description title
Hai guys! Im Liz! Im a bubbly creature that just loves laughing. My nickname is bunny >~<
revolutioners:

 

jacknoir:

u kno all the good urls are taken when

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hartbxg:

hartbxg:

you have never truly lived on the edge until you’ve continued blogging after your laptop has given you the 5% remaining warning and it could cut out at any moment 

its going hardcore tonight

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allkillernofiller:

real talk how often are you meant to change your bra

onlinegf:

onlinegf:

send me your best pick up line

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rollsoffthetongue:

NO THIRD STRIKE

 


What’s so funny about this? You’ve got to admit Steven Wright has a bizarre yet very clever mind. He pays very close attention to individual words and can just nail it when language is irrational or not logical.  Today’s joke is a great example. It’s based on a common saying “You scared me half to death!” It’s also common to hear “You scared me to death!” the latter makes a little more sense and yet clearly the speaker is not a liar nor a zombie, nor dead. It’s just an exaggeration or hyperbole to indicate extreme fright. The former saying hedges by 50%. The speaker is not dead, nor a zombie. He or she is only half dead, depending on whether you’re a glass half-full or empty kind of guy. You could be relieved that you’re only half dead or you could be upset that already you’re half dead. All depends on your perspective. Leave it to Steven Wright to focus on the literal sense of the words spoken. He’s realized that two halves make a whole so if you are literally scared half to death two times then you should be fully dead. This also means that you shouldn’t really be able to talk. Since you are, then you are either lying, exaggerating or a zombie. But wait, maybe there’s a mathematical sequence we can apply here. Maybe each time you get scared half to death it’s only half of the time you have left. In this case you will always be getting less and less scared and you will live forever, because you can keep halving until infinity. And THAT’s what’s so funny! 
 
podcast - https://audioboom.com/boos/2521208-no-third-strike

 

This joke was written by Steven Wright
omg-humor:

When all of my friends are in a relationship, and I’m the only one who’s still single…omg-humor.tumblr.com
the-absolute-funniest-posts:


robinmbrowne:

my roommate’s coworker’s daughter did this for her homework


This post has been featured on a 1000Notes.com blog!

mxcleod:

mxcleod:

my sister is as old as some of you

and that is just wrong 

no one born in the 2000’s should be following me 

it just feels so wrong

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ok whatever you say 

eosthetic:

always say thank you to the bus driver and the crossing guard and the cashier and the person holding the door for you this is crucial

iglovequotes:

Daily dose of love quotes here

kanyewesticle:

I just want to thank pasta for being a part of my life

brooklynqal:

when Pills N’ Potions ends and Anaconda starts playing

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narcotic:

I hate when you sit in class and do absolutely nothing
like, I could do this shit in the comfort of my own bed.